


In The Spring

by timaeusTestifying



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, F/M, Implied Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Loathing, unrequited dirkjake, unrequited dirkroxy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2017-12-05 19:05:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timaeusTestifying/pseuds/timaeusTestifying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk carries out the weekly routine. Change is far out of his reach, but that's alright. He's learned to tolerate it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Spring

It's spring.

You know this because the winter morning, which is usually silent, is filled with the sound of song birds wishing you a lovely day at school. 

You wake up when it's still dark, but by the time you're finished getting ready for school it's bright enough to see and you're awake enough to listen carefully to the tunes the birds are making. It's still cold, which it is probably because the spring hasn't properly scared away the winter yet. Mornings are always the coldest, though. You wear two sweat jackets that you know you'll probably shed when you get to the heated school.

Even though it's spring, you wear a long sleeved sweater. You know you'll feel hot and uncomfortable in your classes, but you're willing to undergo the unpleasant feeling.

Your brother hired a maid to take care of you and the house. You think it's silly and sometimes you feel like a child, but she drives you to school so you don't have to wait around in the cold waiting for the bus.

Because of this, you always arrive to school early. Jane's dad drives her to school too, so she's there. You find her in the hallway you and your friends usually hang out because of the locker arrangements. Jake's locker is located no where near here, though. He shares one with Jane.

You converse with Jane. Roxy arrives, and then Jake. You all speak until the first bell rings. You and Jake both have gym first period. You both walk together to your class, taking your time because it doesn't start right away so you both won't get marked down late. Jake is a morning person and his smile lights up your morning but you don't smile back. You smirk, because you're cool and calm and you have to act smooth. You speak about funny things that happened in class, or news you heard or things you saw on the internet. Sometimes you wonder how you both find new things to talk about since you talk so often to him. Sometimes it worries you but Jake doesn't seem to mind, so you don't mind. He doesn't mind when the both of you get to gym and you both have to run to change for class (you just change into sweatpants). He doesn't mind when you crack jokes about the kids or teachers in the class that he probably already heard before (in fact, he laughs even harder). You like to think he doesn't mind it when you stare at him a bit too long while doing warm up stretches. Then again, there's a large possibility he doesn't realize.

Most of your classes are honours, and Jake isn't in honours but Jane and Roxy are. You all sit close and whisper when you can and pass notes when you can't. You partner up with Roxy almost all the time and pretend not to notice when she stares at you the way you stare at Jake. You like talking to her but sometimes she talks about things that make you feel guilty. What if we married, Dirk? What if we had kids, Dirk? What do you think they'd be like, Dirk? Each question makes your heart heavier and you don't put much thought into your replies. You want to be able to, you really do, but you don't and it kills her and it kills you.

You all have lunch together. Roxy is lively as always and she lightens up the mood. Jane always brings food from home. It's less expensive, she says, and it tastes much better and is probably much healthier. Jake agrees, and Jane lets him have some of her food. Roxy complains, and Jane gives her a piece too. She gives you one because she's nice and thoughtful and always thinks about her friends. You hate yourself for being jealous because Jane is one of your best friends and you want to stop but you don't. You continue these feelings and bottle them up. There was a time and place for everything, but now wasn't the time. Now was the time for Dirk: the cool, calm and witty friend who makes jokes that everyone laughs at whether it's with you or at you.

After school on Mondays you go to the library because there's an anime club. Jake, Jane, and Roxy don't usually come because they're not into it. Sometimes they come when you're able to convince them. If the club is watching something they're interested in, they'll most likely return the following week. Jake is there the most out of the three, because he doesn't have as much homework as the rest of you. He likes anime with action and adventure, so you always try to suggestion anime with either one in it. A girl who wears car ears every meeting sometimes complains about the lack of romance, so the supervisor puts on romance sometimes. Jake doesn't stay for them unless Jane is interested in them.

The following school days are usually the same. Talking to friends, admiration for Jake, guilt for Roxy, and jealousy for Jane.

Tuesdays after school you all hang out. The town is small and you all walk around. Sometimes you go to the thrift shop and see what they have that's new. Jane lays clothes against Jake to see what he'd look like in them and he poses. Roxy does this too, and the three of them will try to get you to do it. You pick out the most ironic clothes to put on, because you're Dirk: Cool, calm, and willing to do silly things for the sake of 'irony'. The four of you go to the deli to get snacks and drinks. You can't help but notice which drink Jake and Jane decide to share this time. As they walk out, they're holding hands. Usually Jake holds the drink and Jane holds their snacks. They take turns with putting the food or straw up to each others lips. You imagined doing this with him so many times. You could only imagine how many times Roxy imagines doing this with you.

Wednesday afternoons you're in an after school club all on your own. It's an academic club and it doesn't get as much funds as a sports club. The members are smart and the humour is well thought out and witty. It doesn't give you scholarships but you get to compete on TV sometimes, if you're good, and the feeling of being on TV without the aid of your brother makes you feel accomplished. It's two hours long so you don't hang out with your friends that day. You tried to get them to come a few times, but they complained about how boring it was.

Thursday afternoons you hang out with Jake. That day is Bro Day. He promised you this one day when he began to date Jane. Just because Jane and I are dating, doesn't mean I won't have any time to hang out with you anymore, he said. You said it was alright, you don't mind. He had a girlfriend he needed to tend to and it'd be criminal not to give her the attention required in a relationship. He smiled and thanked you for being so understanding, but insisted that Thursdays were still Bro Days. Bro Days you watch movies that Jane usually isn't up for with Jake. They're not all good and you humorously criticize them while Jake sends you friendly, threatening glances. You also play video games you both had beaten together a thousand times over. Sometimes you wrestle with him. The wrestling team is hardly a challenge, he says, and I know you of all people wouldn't hold back and would give a mighty challenge! You both wrestle until you're out of breath and drenched in sweat. Sweat is suppose to smell gross, but you can't get enough of the smell of his over him and you. While you're both recovering, you take time to inhale the scent until it's embedded into your nostrils for the rest of the day. When you get home, you hurry to the bathroom before the scent is gone and you fantasize whatever you are able to before your release.

Friday afternoons are usually when Jake and Jane go out on dates. You spend them with Roxy and you two do whatever you two planned over the week. Sometimes you go to the movie threatres. You like it when you intentionally go see bad movies. You both make fun of them and laugh until you're kicked out. Sometimes you eat at small restaurants and order for each other. You like it when you both intentionally order gross meals for each other and watch each other's twisted face while tasting them. Sometimes you play video games at her house until you're either too tired of losing, or she's too tired of winning. You like it when she lets you chose the game and you win because she's such a good sport. Sometimes you lay on her bed and talk. Sometimes she cries into your embrace, and other times you cry into hers. When she cries, you feel like it's your job to protect her and make her feel better. When you cry, you feel like she's a mother holding you, her child, after finding you after you got lost in a mall. 

You're alone on the weekends. You cry alone on the weekends. You inspect the damages you acquired during the week on your wrists and thighs on the weekends. You ignore your friends on pesterchum on the weekends. You reply when you can't handle the loneliness you put yourself through on the weekends. You sleep late, curled up in a heap of blankets with an old puppet hugged to your chest on the weekends.

When you wake up, it's dark. It's bright when you finish getting ready to school. You step out into the chilly spring air and you listen to the song birds who woke up early to sing a good morning to you.

You repeat the week over again. You remaining cool, calm and ready with a witty joke and a smug expression.

Spring is the season of life but you've never felt so dead.

**Author's Note:**

> teenager angst oops. mini fic with mighty feelings.


End file.
